she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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