end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
