sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
