physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
God I need to hump something, right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
