I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to make out with him forever
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
