the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
