Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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