thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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