3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
