I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
