So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
