i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
