I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
