can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
