Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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