y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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