So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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