All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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