i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
