my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
