this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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