Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
