When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
