I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
