Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
