You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
