i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
false alarm, still single
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