"it" just moved
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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