Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
