Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
