My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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