god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
His nipple licking is glorious
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