They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
