I cannot find my penis.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
