who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
