Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
