bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
