I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
