I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
