HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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