I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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