i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
