I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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