Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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