i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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