The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
