Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
