he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
