you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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