If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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