well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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