I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
