dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
