How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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