if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
