I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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