DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize