You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
