Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
